This post originally appeared on my
Green Options blog, and the responses have been...interesting (one person said he had never seen a "more self-righteous bunch of bull.") Feel free to add your thoughts via comments, and please "Digg" the article to increase the amount of exposure it gets. You can also rate it (5 stars are always nice!) :)
Some people are afraid that their social lives will suffer when they eliminate meat and dairy from their diet, since social occasions and food tend to go hand-in-hand. For anyone who has ever thought it is difficult as a vegetarian to dine out, to eat at the home of a non-vegetarian friend, or to find food to eat at parties, I hope this can be a guide and a resource.
1. Be Specific. Not everybody knows what it means to eat "vegetarian" or "vegan," and it's important for vegetarians/vegans to be specific about what their needs are. I know plenty of people who think chickens are plants with wings or who think "chicken broth" is vegetarian. They think as long as there are no chickens floating around in it, it's acceptable for those who don't eat birds. So be clear and ask for exactly what you want.
Scenario Suggestion: When eating out, or when invited over a friend's for dinner, it's helpful to state specific foods. So you can say to your server "This dish/menu sounds wonderful. Just to be clear, I’m vegan, so please tell me if I order something with eggs, meat broth, cheese, milk, or cream." I’ve never had a server unwilling to accommodate me, and this takes care of any potential misunderstandings.
2. Be Positive. Most likely, you made the choice to leave animals off your plate because it makes you feel good — physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If that's your truth, then that's exactly what you should express to those around you. Your attitude will influence the perception and attitude of others about what it means to be vegan.
Scenario Suggestion: When ordering in a restaurant, of course it's polite and appropriate to thank the server for accommodating you, but try not to apologize to the point of being self-effacing. If you had a food allergy, you would just explain to the server and move on. Your food preferences are just as valid when based on ethical reasons. And remember, you're paying them – they should accommodate you if they want to keep your business. So thank them, but then just move on.
3. Be Confident. Food is a personal as well as political subject that has been known to bring up people's defenses, and vegetarians have found themselves on the receiving end of ridicule, criticism, interrogations, jokes, and plain old rudeness. Remaining confident that the attack has nothing to do with you personally will help you take the encounter in stride. Also, don't feel you need to carry the weight of defending all the benefits of vegetarianism. If asked why you make the choices you do, speak from your heart and tell your truth. That is much more powerful than trying to espouse all the latest nutrition research that supports vegetarian eating (and of course there's lots of it!).
Scenario Suggestion: You are at a party, and someone – rather hostilely – says to you, "I just finished a book by a prominent anthropologist, and he provides a lot of evidence that humans were never pure vegetarian at any point in our evolution." Many might be tempted to respond with the fact that early humans actually gathered more than they hunted, that we're physically designed to eat vegetarian diets, etc., and if your goal is to win an argument, then argue away. But, consider an alternative response that diffuses the attack, speaks to the real issue, and enables you to remain true to yourself. You could say something like "I don't know much about anthropology, but I do know that I feel really good about eating this way. It’s better for my health and certainly better for the animals. And besides, isn't being human about doing things better than the way we did them before, especially as we learn more?"
4. Be Generous. Co-workers, neighbors, clients, friends, and family all appreciate the gift of homemade goodies, and every vegetarian knows the power of delicious food. Anytime non-vegetarians try your infamous meatless chili or your decadent dairy-free cookies, they are exposed to dishes they may have never chosen on their own, and often they'll walk away with a new perception about "vegan food."
Scenario Suggestion: Bring muffins in for your morning office meeting, leave cookies on your neighbor's porch, make a cake for a special occasion and share it with co-workers. You can visit
http://www.compassionatecooks.com/ to get lots of delicious recipes.
5. Be Assertive. I'd be lying if I said that healthful plant-based options are available in every restaurant, but they are available in almost every restaurant whose focus is not "American cuisine." Every other cuisine, from Italian and Thai to Indian and Mexican, offers plenty of healthful vegan dishes. But for those times when you don't have a say in choosing the restaurant, at an employee lunch or office party, it's worth calling the restaurant in advance to find out which menu items can be made meat- and dairy-free or what they can make special to accommodate you.
Scenario Suggestion: Most people don't like having their food choices be the center of attention, especially when people may already perceive veganism as "different" or "difficult," but anytime I've asked for something "off the menu," everyone else at the table has coveted my meal. They had no idea you could suggest something different than what's on the menu, and they will wish they followed your lead!
6. Be Attentive. The stereotype that vegans talk all the time about being vegan is, well, true, but only because once a meat-eater learns you're vegetarian, you become their Confessor, counselor, and sounding board. They often proceed to tell you how often they eat meat or how they've become vegetarian except for the chickens and fish they still consume. Though you've heard it before, be respectful, be attentive, and be sensitive. They clearly want to identify as a "vegetarian" and are trusting you with a bit of information about themselves. What they are saying may be more important than what you have to say in response. Ask them questions instead of simply responding.
Scenario Suggestion: A non-vegetarian tells you she tried to be vegetarian but it was too hard. Ask her what was hard about it. She tells you she doesn't want to know about how the animals are treated. Ask her what she thinks might happen if she knew. The point is to create a dialogue and to realize that it is not "me against you," the "vegetarian against the meat-eater," but rather us against cruelty, us against violence. For those of us who are vegan, it’s also important to remember our own stories so we don't become self-righteous. At one time or another, most of us ate animals and their secretions and some of us relied on silly excuses to continue eating them.
7. Be Prepared. There may be times when a work or family event centers around meat (like a barbecue) or takes place in a restaurant that is unfavorable to vegans (such as a steakhouse). At such times, it might be worth eating something before you go and/or bringing your own food to eat when you get there. It may be inconvenient, but it's better than not eating at all, and once again, the food you bring will most likely inspire others to try something new. To be perfectly frank, BBQs – when they’re not vegetarian – are the one event I refuse to attend. It's just much too painful and offensive to witness the ravenous gluttony of this meat-fest, but I don't want to make it seem like being vegan isolates you. I don't not attend because there wouldn't be something for me to eat – I don’t go because I don't want to; it's just too upsetting.
8. Be Equipped. There are numerous occasions that offer the opportunity to bring a dish. Bringing your favorite vegan lasagna or chocolate cake is a surefire way to ensure that you’ll enjoy the fare, and it's a wonderful way to introduce people to delicious and nutritious veg food.
Scenario Suggestion: If you are attending a dinner party where guests were not asked to bring a dish, you might want to call to find out if it's okay that you bring something. Or, better yet, ask the hostess if you can alleviate some of the cooking burden for her and bring one of the dishes. It would also provide you with an opportunity to clarify what you eat (see #1).
9. Be Humorous. Non-vegetarians as well as vegetarians can get a little uptight around such a sensitive subject. Humor has a way of diffusing tension. Always keep in mind that whatever jokes non-vegetarians might make at your expense, it really has nothing to do with you. Passive aggressive though these people are, it will help to respond with humor and levity. Scenario Suggestion: I try to keep things light while at the same time telling the truth. So, for instance, when I’m around non-vegetarians and one might say something about the chicken sandwich they had for lunch and then they turn to me to apologize, I usually say something like "look – don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the chickens." It’s a good way to get people thinking without being judgmental; besides, this has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the animals. Responding with levity to hostility is always a good way to go.
10. Be Vocal. One thing some non-vegetarians don't understand – I don't think I really understood it before I was vegan – is that to sit in a restaurant watching everyone chewing on animals is an incredibly painful experience. Eating at a vegetarian or, better yet, vegan restaurant is so wonderful – not just because you can choose anything on the menu – but because it’s a nonviolent atmosphere. There's kind of a feeling of serenity when you look around you and know that no animals were (intentionally) killed in the making of the meals and everyone's just munching on wonderful plant-based food.
Scenario Suggestion: So, when you can speak up and ask your friends or family or co-workers to try a vegetarian restaurant, I encourage you to do so. If you’re a non-vegetarian, extend an invitation to your vegetarian friend to go to a veg restaurant. That way, everyone can eat and experience the abundance!
The Holidays: I want to say a quick note about the holidays. Many of these suggestions will help, I think, but here's another sure-fire way to ensure all the food is vegan: host a holiday dinner yourself. You can make it potluck style, guiding non-vegans about what to bring, giving them recipes, etc. It will inspire them to make something vegan, although they'll probably realize they cook vegan all the time but never called it vegan. There are times I've gone back East for the holidays and cooked the entire holiday meal (with some help from my hubby, of course) for our families. They were happy to have someone do all the cooking, and the meal was something everyone was able to enjoy. Yes, it means more work, but whatever. A few hours in the kitchen is nothing compared to what the animals endure.
Labels: animal rights, eating, holidays, parties, picnics, recipes, vegan, vegetarian
