You Say "Blood" - I Say "Au Jus"

I just read an article about how the heat in California is causing "animal farmers" to suffer. Oh no - don't worry. They're not suffering from the heat. They have air conditioners to keep themselves nice and cool. They're suffering because their "livestock" is dying - from the 100-degree temperatures we've been experiencing. Most "beef cattle" aren't given shelter from the blazing hot sun, and with California being the #1 dairy state (Sorry Wisconsin!), thousands of cows are falling over (also without shelter), "creating a backlog of rotting carcasses," according to the authorities. There is a "backlog" because they don't have enough places to "properly dispose of dead animals." It makes sense when you think about it, because the vessels into which they would normally dispose of the "carcasses" (how come they can use that word??) are our own tummies! So, I have a solution for everyone!

Since some people insist that we must eat animals in order to survive (I wonder if that makes me some kind of miracle!), I figure they can have breakfast, lunch, and dinner - with a few meals in between - if they brought a fork and knife to these dairy farms. It would solve the farmer's problems (you can pay them a small fee for your meal), the abundant carcass problem, and the hunger problem all at the same time. I guess the only problem is we'll have to change the name from rotting carcass to something else, like cow flambe or specialdu jour . I mean - when it's a cow that dropped dead from the heat or an unfortunate squirrel who happened to run into a car, it's a "carcass," but if it's something we desire to put in our mouths, it's called "dinner." We're such funny little birds, we humans. It tickles me to no end.

All sarcasm aside, my heart goes out to every life that's ended for our appetites (and I'm responsible for many myself). The annual body count of animals killed for human consumption is, according to the USDA, over 10 billion in the U.S. alone. That number doesn't even include the fatalities I mentioned above or those who die en route to slaughter and on factory farms. Each and every one of those individuals was denied dignity in life and dignity in death. Any of us who live with animals do everything we can to keep them safe. In terms of their ability to feel pain and suffering, there is no difference between "beef cattle," "dairy cows," and my own cats. The only difference is our perception of these animals. We split our hearts by valuing one animal for his or her own sake and another for the taste of her flesh or milk or the profit he/she brings.

Whether it's a natural disaster or a humanmade war, whenever deaths are reported, the animals are virtually ignored. In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the treatment of displaced animals during a crisis is being taken seriously, but sadly, if you listen to the rhetoric, it's still not for the animals' sake. It's for the humans. Yes, I suppose that's better than nothing at all, but I truly believe that until we change our perception of animals, absolutely nothing will change in our treatment of them. Where our minds are prejuiced, so will our behavior reflect that bias.
For every person who eschews eating animals, lives are literally saved. If we are saddened by the death of an animal on the side of the road or from a natural catastrophe, then we can offset that misery by changing our eating habits. Eating vegetarian is a powerful way to live. It means we can look animals - and ourselves - right in the eye. No guilt, no shame, no blood. Did I say blood? I'm sorry - I meant au jus. Ah, the language of denial. Ya gotta love it.

Join the Rhetoric Revolution!

Honestly, I don't support censorship, but there are simply some words that you will never hear me use and that I won't allow in my classes. At the slightest utterance, many a student has had gold stars ripped from their lapels, while the remaining impression of the star-shaped glue signifies their fall from their teacher's good graces. These are words that make vegetarian options seem déclassé, that make meat and dairy products seem normal, and that cause even the most open-minded of citizens to cast derisive looks in the direction of certain "vegetarian" foods.When properly used, they cause no real harm, but when paired in certain phrases, their meaning becomes downright destructive. I'm calling for no mere boycott of these seemingly innocent words, dear reader. What I am calling for is really a Revolution. A Rhetoric Revolution. All I ask is that you lay down your meatdairyeggocentric language and pick up instead one that celebrates rather than denigrates our many veg choices.

So what are these words that have inspired such a radical call to action? The culprits are none other than fake, mock, imitation, and substitute. Some mildly less offensive albeit not altogether appetizing-sounding variations include "analog," "alternative," and "replacement" Join us on our quest to help families, friends, and neighbors embrace our veggie ways by eschewing that derogatory diction and choosing instead a more pleasurable prose.

Instead of "fake milk," "cheese substitute," "imitation butter,"or "fake ice cream," try non-dairy OR dairy-free milk/cheese/butter/ice cream OR call them by what food/ingredients they're based on: Remember hearing about the dairy industry suing soy milk companies on the basis that nobody else should be able to use the word "milk"? You may remember seeing "soy beverage" used more often for awhile. Well, the dairy industry does not own the word, and thought I refer to cow's milk, goat's milk, sheep's milk, hyena milk, lion's milk, and all other mammary lactation fluids as such, I also use that moniker for soy, oat, almond, hazelnut, rice, nut, and coconut milk/ice cream/cheese/butter. I don't even like calling non-dairy butters such as Earth Balance "margarines," because that means something very specific.

Instead of "mock meat" or "fake sausage/ (insert any meat here)," try meatless, vegetarian/vegan, plant-based OR call them by what they're based on: soy, wheat, nut, vegetable/veggie, etc. When referring to burgers or sandwich slices, etc., I refer to them by what they are. They're not "fake" or "imitation" - they're made from real food that has a name.Instead of "egg substitute," try eggless or egg-free. And keep in mind that products such as Egg Beaters contain eggs. If you are looking for reactions in baked goods similar to what chicken's eggs provide, try Ener-G Egg Replacer. (Sometimes you don't even need to replace eggs at all and can eliminate them all together, but that's another essay.)

You get the idea by now, and perhaps you're ready to join me! And just remember, make WHOLE FOODS the foundation of your diet. Meatless meats (the word "meat" comes from Old English mete, and originally referred to to food, distinguising it from drink) provide tasty options, but they are indeed processed foods. It doesn't mean you have to shun them completely; it just means they're meant to be convenience foods - not the staple of your diet. Same goes for any processed food.

Keep it positive. Keep it true. And if you want to keep your gold star, you know what to do. :)