Active Listening

I think we have forgotten how to talk to one another. Certainly the anonymity of the Internet has contributed to this and has dulled our discourse, dehumanized our dialogue. We listen with divided attention, more interested in hearing our own voices and ready to respond with a defensive answer or a witty quip. This is particularly true when it comes to talking about vegetarianism. Thoughtless (i.e. "without thought") responses come flowing out of people's mouths when confronted with the idea of not eating once-alive, once-kicking animals. A dichotomy of good vs. bad is immediately imagined, and hackles are raised even before the bell goes off.

Communication is central to everything I do, as this sensitive subject requires special care. Admittedly, it is exhausting work - prepping for the cooking classes alone takes countless hours, and it is when the class is over that I am utterly spent - not because of the hours I've been on my feet - but because of the energy that goes into fostering a dialogue in each of my classes. I'm exhausted not just from talking but from listening. I absorb and honor every word and try to create a safe space for students to say what they need to. It takes energy to listen.

Every day, whether it's via email, in my classes, or on the street, I am asked the same questions over and over. (Every vegetarian knows what this is like.) But I try and treat each question as if it is being asked for the very first time. And you know what? It is. By that individual. I know that many people are hearing what I am saying - about veganism, about animals, about nutrition - for the very first time, and since we've all been brainwashed by the same machine, there is a relatively small pool of responses from which people draw.

You don't have to be an educator to honor the dialogue that I believe we all so desperately want. I know many vegetarians who are tired of answering the "protein question" or fielding justifications about eating animals. And I know it can be tiresome, but not only to I feel it is my responsbility to speak on behalf of the truth when asked about vegetarianism, I believe it is a breech of trust if I don't. I would be breeching the trust of the animals who need me as their voice, and I would be breeching the trust of the person asking the question who is trusting me with their fears or concerns or needs. I am compelled to answer with grace. I am expected to answer with truth. I am honored to answer at all.

This doesn't mean that the non-vegetarians are off the hook. Each one of us knows when we're asking a genuine question and seeking authenic dialogue or when we're merely spouting off judgments and trying to provoke anger. All of that is just based on fear - of hearing the truth, of having our own truth revealed to us, of being inspired to make a change. Each time we push away the truth about this issue, we're just delaying our own growth. It will happen eventually, so we may as well just jump in now. If we're not actively participating in life and all its complexities and pain and suffering, then we're just stagnant.

My husband and I regularly attend a Japanese Tea Ceremony, and one of the most valuable things that we've taken from it is the idea of "facing forward." During the ceremony, guests are expected to pay attention to every detail, to admire the scroll and the tea wares, to be fully present. Now, at home, whenever one of us feels the other is distracted when we want to say something, we ask the other person to please face forward. It's a much gentler way (and much more effective) than saying "you're not listening to me!"

So, I'll leave you with that thought. May we listen to each other with authenticity and respond with integrity. May we speak for truth. May we face forward and look directly into each other's eyes, directly into our own fears and embrace the joys and sorrows that come with living fully present and fully open.