Join the Rhetoric Revolution!

Honestly, I don't support censorship, but there are simply some words that you will never hear me use and that I won't allow in my classes. At the slightest utterance, many a student has had gold stars ripped from their lapels, while the remaining impression of the star-shaped glue signifies their fall from their teacher's good graces. These are words that make vegetarian options seem déclassé, that make meat and dairy products seem normal, and that cause even the most open-minded of citizens to cast derisive looks in the direction of certain "vegetarian" foods.When properly used, they cause no real harm, but when paired in certain phrases, their meaning becomes downright destructive. I'm calling for no mere boycott of these seemingly innocent words, dear reader. What I am calling for is really a Revolution. A Rhetoric Revolution. All I ask is that you lay down your meatdairyeggocentric language and pick up instead one that celebrates rather than denigrates our many veg choices.

So what are these words that have inspired such a radical call to action? The culprits are none other than fake, mock, imitation, and substitute. Some mildly less offensive albeit not altogether appetizing-sounding variations include "analog," "alternative," and "replacement" Join us on our quest to help families, friends, and neighbors embrace our veggie ways by eschewing that derogatory diction and choosing instead a more pleasurable prose.

Instead of "fake milk," "cheese substitute," "imitation butter,"or "fake ice cream," try non-dairy OR dairy-free milk/cheese/butter/ice cream OR call them by what food/ingredients they're based on: Remember hearing about the dairy industry suing soy milk companies on the basis that nobody else should be able to use the word "milk"? You may remember seeing "soy beverage" used more often for awhile. Well, the dairy industry does not own the word, and thought I refer to cow's milk, goat's milk, sheep's milk, hyena milk, lion's milk, and all other mammary lactation fluids as such, I also use that moniker for soy, oat, almond, hazelnut, rice, nut, and coconut milk/ice cream/cheese/butter. I don't even like calling non-dairy butters such as Earth Balance "margarines," because that means something very specific.

Instead of "mock meat" or "fake sausage/ (insert any meat here)," try meatless, vegetarian/vegan, plant-based OR call them by what they're based on: soy, wheat, nut, vegetable/veggie, etc. When referring to burgers or sandwich slices, etc., I refer to them by what they are. They're not "fake" or "imitation" - they're made from real food that has a name.Instead of "egg substitute," try eggless or egg-free. And keep in mind that products such as Egg Beaters contain eggs. If you are looking for reactions in baked goods similar to what chicken's eggs provide, try Ener-G Egg Replacer. (Sometimes you don't even need to replace eggs at all and can eliminate them all together, but that's another essay.)

You get the idea by now, and perhaps you're ready to join me! And just remember, make WHOLE FOODS the foundation of your diet. Meatless meats (the word "meat" comes from Old English mete, and originally referred to to food, distinguising it from drink) provide tasty options, but they are indeed processed foods. It doesn't mean you have to shun them completely; it just means they're meant to be convenience foods - not the staple of your diet. Same goes for any processed food.

Keep it positive. Keep it true. And if you want to keep your gold star, you know what to do. :)